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Freaking Out

I keep thinking about the human body as compared to the universe. Technically, as matter, we are all created and destroyed. Living beings are matter with a conscious–humans with a developed conscious that allows us to learn and feel. If all our feelings can be explaied by endorphins or whatever going on in out brain, then our thoughts are just the same. If our entire lives can be explained through science, then the great “journey” of life and death can be easily explained.

The only feelings I have about this is fear. I have been raised by a relogious family who always told me about reuniting after death, nobody’s really gone and we’ll meet them again in the afterlife. But since nobody looks at this–what if there is no afterlife. What if we live, looking forward to meeting our loved ones again, only to never realize that we have experienced death in its almost complete form. As I haven’t been able to sleep recently, and all my dreams disappear when I awaken, it has led me to believe that that feeling–the one you remember when you CANT remember– is death itself.

Of course, I want to believe in God. I have been raised to believe in God and hate myself for even writing this down, but I needed to get it off my chest. What better place than where no one will ever notice it?

Anyway, these are my fears, my worries, my darkst thoughts yadda yadda yadda. Hope I don’t give you nightmares.

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